I’m working on / working out (?) many of my personal beliefs about a variety of things.
One of them currently in the forefront is, motherhood, parenting, discipline…
I’m not satisfied with, nor proud of, many of my automatic responses in parenting.
Particularly in regards to spanking
I used to believe in spanking.
I encouraged others to do it. I quoted Bible verses about it.
I judged misbehaving children as obviously needing more “butt whoopings”.
Now, I totally completely do not believe in spankings,
yet, I still sometimes find myself raising my hand….:-(
That’s how I was raised…I got a spanking for ev-ery-thing
it’s not an excuse but it seems to be ingrained in me or something.
I have to purposely, consciously, willfully put my hand back down,
or on his back gently, squat down and try to see the real reason behind the behavior.
I’d rather pray how to effectively address the heart issue
but that’s not yet an auto response for me.
Hopefully, one day…SOON!
See I don’t want obedience out of fear of me, fear of being hit.
I want risk assessments, thought out choices,
making a decision after considering the consequences.
I want consideration of others who may be affected.
I KNOW! I KNOW!
A LOT to expect from a two year old
but I’m trying to lay down a strong foundation now
for things I hope/pray for as he grows into an adult.
Is Bam Bam capable of thinking through
I want to throw this > Mommy doesn’t want me to throw >
I might hit sissy > That will hurt > I will have to pick it up after I throw it >
decision to throw or not > then living with the consequence…??
I’m not 100% sure but I think he gets through some of it.
I see him hesitate sometimes, he looks at me with ball in hand, up in the air,
or on that chair he has knocked over a 100+ times.
If he decides not to knock over the chair *this* time then yeah!
Woo Hoo! I will love him!
but if he decides to knock over the chair again..
He will hear mommy tell him it’s not ok to throw chairs (I yell it to often)
and he will pick it up again,
if he refuses he will sit in time out until he picks it up and
if I have to I will remove the chair from the room for the rest of the day,
AND I will love him!
He has to learn there is a process for making decisions.
(Heck me too!! Think, consider, decide, follow through..no more bad auto responses!)
Even if he continues to choose ones I don’t like or prefer him to decide differently
I still love him.
And as long as he is thinking them through, knows what he’s getting himself into
has considered the consequences and decided he can live with that..
then I might feel like I have a teeny little success in this parenting adventure.
I’m right there beside him, learning to reign in impulses,
make better choices, learning to control my emotions.
Parenting….NOT what I was expecting
|Save the hineys!|
Here are a few reads that got me thinking and heading toward change with the spanking issue
I Used to Hit My Children by The Single Crunch
Be The Gentle Leader Your Child Needs and several other posts by Ms. Janet.
Thanks for stopping by!
Are any of you struggling to make changes in your parenting ways,
questioning everything you once believed on the subject?
You know, the expert you were, before, the kids came along? lol :-)
Feel free to leave your thoughts below.